Gaga is Against Don't Ask Don't Tell

Lady Gaga is rallying against "don't ask, don't tell" and straight men across the nation are rallying for "don't sing, don't sing."






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Don't Ask Don't Tell is Unconstitutional

A Federal Judge has ruled that the "don't ask, don't tell" policy is unconstitutional. That's just what a man in a gown would say. 


Read more on ruling

Military Budget Cuts

The Pentagon is trimming its budget and cutting corners. It is expected to be the Rectangle by next year. 


Read more on Budget Cuts in our Nation's Favorite Shape

Richard Snelsire Hunts Bin Laden on His Own

Man hunting Bin Laden claims he was on a mission from God. Solidifying that God mixed up divine messages, the U.S. military recieves heavenly instruction to find a job and move out of mother's basement.

Military Confronts Mob in Kyrgyzstan

40 people were killed in clashes with the military in Kyrgyzstan, 9 more reporters died trying to spell the name of the country.

Soldier Arrested for Leaking information

The military has arrested the soldier that released classified information to wikileaks.com.  He is being held in the wikibrig before a wikicourtmarshall and maybe a wikibeating.

Afghanistan wins for longest US war

The war in Afghanistan was just announced as America's longest war, because the war on drugs doesn't count.

A high-ranking Al-Qaida Leader Killed

Mustafa Abu al-Yazid, Al Qaida's Head of Finances, was killed by a US Drone Strike and Al Qaida is now scrambling to find an "anti-capitalist who is also a numbers guy."

US Military on 24

24’s final episode aired last night, and the military has announced that they “are totally gay for Jack Bauer.”