BP Study Shows the Reason for Oil Spill

BP has released their report from an internal investigation into the Gulf oil leak, and they have found that the cause of the disaster was in fact workers texting while drilling.


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BP Donating $3 Billion to Those Affected by Oil Spill.

BP paid 3 billion into a recovery fund for victims of the oil spill, and since they consider themselves to have been affected the most, they will be keeping most of that money. 

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BP Closing Things for good.

BP has planned to permanently seal the oil well this week, just as soon as everyone makes sure they have their keys and cellphones this time.  


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Tony Steps Down

After announcing he would be replaced as BP CEO, Tony Hayward was quoted as saying he would now 'get his life back.'  A similar quote was not issued by thousands of birds and fish.


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Storm in the Gulf

Tropical Storm in Gulf delays potential clean up delays.

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BP Decreases Boats

BP has reduced the number of boats skimming oil in the gulf. According to a BP spokesperson, the area was becoming too crowded for workers to adequately water ski. 


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BP Starts to Decrease Numbers of Boats in Gulf

BP decreasing number of boats in Gulf, thus begins of operation "Slowly back out of awkward situation and hope no one notices."

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Seeping Gas Discovered on Ocean Floor

Even though the oil leak has been capped, scientist are now concerned that the ocean floor near the well may be farting, and the consequences could be both silent and deadly.


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The Oil Finally Stops

BP has announced that they have finally stopped spilling oil into the Gulf of Mexico. Now they will begin leaking vinegar to even out the flavor profile. 


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OIL Spill Might Stop Spilling

BP says they are very close to having the oil leak stopped as pigs around the world prepare to take flight.


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BP Delaying the Final Steps That Will Stop Leak.

BP says that they are ready to stop the oil leak if we can answer their three toughest riddles!


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The East is sweaty, the West has the shakes, and South is greasy.  Our country is gross right now. 

- Water Cooler Jokes

New Spiderman is Announced to be British

To keep things English, the villainous alien parasite "Venom" will be played by the BP gulf spill. 


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Obama on Immigration

Obama says there is need for immigration reform, mainly the loopholes that allow British petroleum to continue to sneak into the country.


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Hurricane Alex Complicates Gulf Clean Up

Hurricane Alex to hit Gulf Coast. Chocolate Rain to become more than an internet music sensation. 

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Head of BP is Predicted to Step Down

Tony Hayward is stepping down as CEO of BP with plans to become the next French soccer coach.

Wimbleton Match Lasts over 10 HOURS

Wimbledon match goes on longer than any match in recorded history, the absurd length was blamed on the match being sponsored by the "BP Oil Clean Up".


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Feds Policy on Offshore Drilling

The US has decided to go with a more flexible ban on offshore drilling. This will allow sea creatures to spend some time with their kids before they get covered in oil and die.


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BP exec Tony Hayword seen at yacht race over the weekend. He knows greasing the track won't make the boats faster right?


- Water Cooler Jokes

BP under pressure

Feds put more pressure on BP telling them to drill 2 relief wells, BP repsonds by going sailing.